dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize