Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
