i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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