Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize