i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
