Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
