i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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