from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
