The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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