New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
