Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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