the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
