when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
