I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
