dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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