New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
