That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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