Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
