I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm at about main and main street
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
