I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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