just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
