I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
and she was petting her beer can
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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