look no pants
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
