Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
