this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Can you bring me the toilet please
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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