so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
