come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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