Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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