Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
