Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
