Just cropdusted the office
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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