I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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