you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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