You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
