Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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