That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
