Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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