I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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