One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
