Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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