I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
