Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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