Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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