Hey man sorry I got all grabby
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
