I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
