he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
