Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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