It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize