i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
