It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
