ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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