you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
