everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
