i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
