well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
