Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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