you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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