you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
