there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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