were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Randomize
