Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
