the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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