Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
