She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
