I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
