i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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