Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
