O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize