There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
home. puking in laundry basket.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
