Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
