I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
