I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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