you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
do herpes really smell.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
